Full Bloom

Sat, 17 Oct 2009 18:00:33 +0100

How did you get to where you are today? If you step back and take a good look it’s amazing to think about everything that has led you to become the person you are. The sheer number of decisions, co-incidences and experiences, both small and large, is mind-blowing. Every thought, word and action in your past comprises a unique pattern that has only been experienced by you.

Even our lowest moments contribute positively to our lives in ways we may not appreciate or understand until much later. You may consider a dark time in your history or a period that you felt was out of your control as simply an obstacle or a blot on the landscape. At the time you may have felt helpless, vulnerable and confused about what you were going through. But, with hindsight, it’s comforting to remember how even the most difficult times are responsible for something precious in your life today.

Times of darkness, brought on by adverse circumstances such as bereavement or illness, become opportunities or challenges when viewed in a different light. What may have seemed at the time like a block in the road from the perspective of the future, can be seen as a push in the right direction. For example, it could be during a period of ill health that you were challenged to grow emotionally, or perhaps an intimate struggle revealed a personal strength you didn’t know you had. It could even be a tragic event that took you in a different direction and gave you a whole new perspective on life. Without the pitfalls we would never be challenged to grow, and we would become stagnant and discontent. It’s during these difficult times that it is worth remembering – it’s thanks to the rain that flowers reach full bloom. Our dark nights provide us with a similar sustenance, without which we would never be encouraged to reach our full potential or venture forth to discover our authentic selves.

Live in the moment. Forget about the past. Look to the future with hope and excitement, welcome the surprises it will bring. Do not fear the unknown for fear will hold you prisoner and silence your voice. Believe in the bigger picture. Put your trust in the Master Plan. And remember always, no matter how bad things are at any given time, “this too will pass”.

Walking – Soul Medicine

Mon, 14 Sep 2009 18:36:06 +0100

We all know that exercise is good for us, and walking is no exception. Unlike many other physical pursuits – running, weights, tennis, cycling, etc. – it can be done by individuals of all ages and is not limited to levels of physical fitness. Another benefit to walking is that it is not restricted to a specific location, owning an expensive gym membership or fitting into a dictated schedule of classes and opening times. We are free to tailor each new walk so that it is unique to us and so that the time of day, place, length and pace suits both our mood and emotional and physical needs.

For example, to aid recovery from a physical injury we might opt for a slow walk on easily traversable terrain. Alternatively, to improve our overall fitness we could take brisk walk involving several steep hills. To relieve anger and/or stress, I would recommend a fast walk to anywhere and back, possibly even allowing yourself to get lost along the way. To lift depression or anxiety, a gentle walk would be more preferable, the location quiet and scenic. And to strengthen the immune system, just getting some fresh air, regardless of the destination or pace, will be of benefit.

Personally, I find that an early morning walk before the rest of the world has woken up and disturbed the peace is the best tonic for me. Not only is it a great start to the day, it energises me and gives me the inner fuel I need to deal with all manner of life and work challenges.

However, my favourite kind of walk is an evening walk, taken around dusk or soon after. These walks work best when they are set in an unusual environment – like when I am away from home, even if it is just for the day. Exploring a new location is always interesting and uplifting, and I especially love it when there is water involved.

This weekend, I visited the seaside town of Whitstable in Kent, and after spending the day enjoying the shops, cafes, seafood on offer and glorious weather, I wound up with a late night stroll along the beach. The sea was out, the sun was setting and it was mostly quiet. It was very peaceful and I felt like I could have walked for hours and hours lost inside my head.

What kind of walking do you do? And which kind do you prefer?

Why not have a think about the best kind of walk for you, and the next time you feel the need to escape for a little while choose it as your tonic of choice over chocolate, television or bed.

Befriending the Minotaur

Mon, 31 Aug 2009 14:04:55 +0100

Every story, whether real or fictional, has at least two sides, depending on the number of protagonists. Take, for instance, that of Theseus and the Minotaur.

Side 1: As it is traditionally told
In Greek mythology, the Minotaur was a terrifying creature with the head and tail of a bull and the body of a man. He dwelt at the centre of a complex labyrinth, located deep beneath King Mino’s castle and, like many other mythical monsters, had a ravenous appetite for human flesh. He lived off a plentiful supply of reluctant sacrifices, which the king was kind enough to deliver to him as the need arose and, as such, the local townspeople lived in fear of him. Thanks to the help of the king’s daughter Ariadne, he was eventually slain by a brave young man called Theseus who, captivated by her beauty, wished to win her for his wife.

Side 2: Told from a different angle
Born Asterion, ‘starry one’, the Minotaur was the result of an affront to the gods. Some time earlier, Poseidon, the sea god, had sent King Minos a pure white bull to be sacrificed in his honour. The king, taking rather a liking to the creature, refused to kill it and, instead, kept it as his own. Greatly angered by his actions, Poseidon arranged for Pasiphae, Mino’s wife, to fall in love with the bull. As a result of their union, she bore a child – a terrifying creature, half man, half beast – whose purpose was to serve as a shameful reminder of the King’s greed and dishonesty. Locked away in a vast maze beneath the castle, he was condemned to an existence of darkness, solitude and brutality.

Looking at both versions, we can draw several conclusions:

In physical appearance, the Minotaur was a terrifying creature – half man, half animal.
His diet consisted of human flesh.
He lived his life as a prisoner.
He was badly socialised and hostile to intruders.
He was the victim of circumstances beyond his control and arguably not to blame for his actions or for his character.

When thinking about the challenges we face in life, it can be helpful to consider this paradox. We might feel like the issue causing us distress is a terrifying beast – after all, it has entered our world without invitation and stirred up the very core of our being, casting a dark shadow over our lives. But could it not also be viewed as a bright star, a precious jewel capable, if we take the time to examine it, of revealing our innermost nature, the parts of ourselves that we hide away?

In times of emotional conflict, it is important that we care for ourselves tenderly, with reverence and respect. Rather than attempting to immediately banish this beast, we must first take the time to look at it and what it might have to offer us. In a way, we must seek to befriend it. By turning over our problem and viewing it from both sides, we can ensure we do not overlook the star at the centre.

Navigating Loss

Sun, 16 Aug 2009 11:58:12 +0100

I recently lost someone very close to me. Their death was sudden and unexpected, and the news reached me on a beautiful, warm Saturday morning as I was preparing to go out. Instead of the picture postcard day I had planned, that of a long-overdue visit to a nearby coastal village, I found myself whisked away in the opposite direction, my destination the emergency department of a Cornish hospital. Arriving in the early hours, I began the first of what would become a four day vigil. It was not one of hope, for there was sadly no chance of recovery. After suffering a brain haemorrhage, the individual in question had been declared ‘officially’ brain dead, but their body was still functioning, and it was a case of watching and waiting, we were told, while it slowly shut down.

What followed, both during that time and afterwards, has been immensely difficult, and the intensity of the feelings I have experienced has surprised me. This is the first time I have lost someone really close to me. I have no map detailing what to expect. Each day is different and brings a fresh challenge that bears no relation to ones that have passed. I am learning to accept that this is how grief works. I am realising that in order to develop my own unique way of coping, I must continue to adapt with this process, responding to its many shades. In this way I am managing, the best that I can.

I decided, from the beginning, that I was not going to fall apart, that I owed it to myself and to the person I have lost to stay strong and to fight my way through it. This doesn’t mean to say that I have denied my loss, or that I am in denial as I sit here and write this. I have accepted what has happened. I have looked at it and held it and sat with it. I have even spoken to it. I have asked it what it might mean to me as an experience and how I might explore it in order to better understand it. I have thought about how I might move on from the intense pain, to something softer and more akin to comfort. When I think of this person all of my memories are happy ones. As far as I can recall, I only ever saw them laughing or smiling. They were, without exception, open and warm and generous with their love. They were insightful, intelligent and funny. They made a sizeable contribution to my life, and their role in it was and still is important. I am trying to focus my thoughts on these things, instead of the stark reality of the present, which feels full of the premature nature of their death, the unfairness of their being snatched away so suddenly, the personal loss, and the suffering of those around me. Shifting my attention to the many things that this person taught me, all of which I value deeply, I am finding that it is possible to draw something positive out of the situation, albeit slowly.

My search for comfort began with the words of other poets. I read anthologies dedicated to the theme of bereavement. I made copies of the ones that spoke to me most clearly, recording them in a notebook I had bought for this purpose. I carried this notebook around with me and used its contents as medication.

I wrote in my journal, pages and pages of words exploring my feelings, my non-feelings, my confusion, my pain, my anger. I wrote whatever came into my mind. I sat down and wrote whenever I felt things were starting to crowd in around me, whenever I saw the approach of a dark cloud.

I allowed myself to cry, to sit and weep with my knees curled up against my chest. I allowed the tears that were shed to have volume, and my body to convulse and shake, and to emit deep, guttural sounds.

I spoke with other people and shared my thoughts and feelings. I listened to their advice and internalised the love that they gave me. I talked to those around me who were also suffering, and we swapped memories of happy times we had spent with this person, compiling a mental scrapbook to be shared out among us.

I started to write my own poetry – rough first drafts initially, nothing that was supposed to become something, just words for words sake, words because the feelings inside needed to come up to the surface and be honoured on the outside.

I sat down and drew – abstract images, symbols I didn’t recognise. I asked myself what each shape and colour might be trying to tell me, and I tried to listen to the suggestions that were being made so that I could use them to move on.

I went to the library and took out several books on loss and bereavement, hoping to find comfort and answers in the words of authors who had travelled ahead of me on this journey.

I am still doing these things. I find they comfort me, but I cannot claim they have healed me, not yet. I still think about this person every day, and when I think about them I still feel sad. The tears continue to come unbidden and when I least expect them; I cannot predict when or where.

But there are also times when I can sit and smile as I turn over a memory; I feel privileged that I have been left with this legacy. And increasingly I can look at photographs and feel the warmth that wells up inside as the images translate into emotions, my love for this person and the love they gave to me. Each day is different but somehow a little easier. I try to remember that death is as much a part of life as living is, and that it will come to us all one day. The more I tell myself this, the more I am able to accept it.

This is by no means a prescriptive cure for grief. I am not even sure it is the right one for me. But it seems, in some small, undefinable way, to be helping.

If I have learnt one thing as a creative person, it is the danger of bottling things up. Expressed, pain and despair remain manageable, they do not grow into giant beasts with many heads over which you have no control. It is only when we overlook our emotions and seek to deny their existence that they gain the power to grow large in the dark. Do not ignore your emotions, no matter how painful. Honour your feelings by giving them a voice.

My thoughts and my prayers are with you.

Exploring Mandalas

Wed, 22 Jul 2009 15:38:55 +0100

The word ‘mandala’, literally translated, means circle in the the Indian language of Sanskrit. But a mandala is much more than just a simple shape. It represents wholeness and unity and can be seen as a model for life. It reminds us of the infinite, the world which exists within our bodies and our minds, and the world that extends beyond into the universe.

The mandala has a long and fascinating history and is widely recognised for its deep spiritual meaning by Buddhists, Tibetans and Hindus. Psychologist Carl Jung called it a “representation of the unconscious self” and believed that the mandala could be used to change how we see ourselves, the world and our life purpose. Today, many therapists practice mandala work with clients and value its healing power.

The mandala can be found in all aspects of life – in the celestial circles of the earth, the sun and the moon, as well as in conceptual circles of friends, family and community. If we look, we can see mandalas all around us – in plants and flowers, in precious stones, and in household objects. Open your eyes to mandalas over the next few days and see how many you can spot.

Creating your own Mandala

Creating your own mandala is therapeutic and deeply symbolic. The shapes and colours that you choose will reflect your inner self at that moment. Think of it as a self-portrait of your spirit.

When it comes to creating a mandala, there are no rules; the process is intuitive, but you should ideally start with a circle. You may choose any colours or materials to work with and use any images or shapes that you like. Let your instincts guide you. As with all art therapy exercises, try to remember that it is the process that is important and not the end product.

For inspiration in getting started, take a closer look at the images to your right. If you would like to see some more examples of mandala’s, click this link to visit our gallery. Or, if you would prefer, you can colour in a ready-made mandala rather than drawing your own from scratch. I have included some templates for you to download at the bottom of this page. Don’t feel that working from a template is cheating; this process can be equally as insightful and therapeutic and your choice of colour will reflect a lot about your current state of mind.

What You Will Need:

Materials: coloured pencils, felt tip pens, paints, coloured paper, fabric, etc.
A blank surface: paper, canvas, cardboard, etc.
A compass or a circular object to draw around.
A quiet and comfortable space to work in.

What to do:

Start by drawing a circle, making sure that you fill as much of the work space as possible. The area inside the circle is where you want to concentrate your efforts, at least primarily.
Next, select a colour and start to fill in the circle, using whatever symbols, shapes or images feel right. Don’t over think it. Instead, allow the process to be instinctive.
When you are happy that you have finished your mandala, sit and look at it for a while and take some time to appreciate it.
Give your work a title and date it.
Make a note of the colours you have used and ask yourself what they mean to you. If you have used a lot of red, how does that colour make you feel? For example, red could mean anger, pain, illness, energy, or love. Green could mean nature, growth, or birth. Trust the first thought that comes into your mind, as this immediate, uncensored interpretation is often the closest to your personal truth.
Now look at the images and shapes that you have created. What do they say to you? Are they telling you about your physical body, your emotional health, an event in your past or present? Take some time to think this over.
Write down, in detail, what has surfaced as a result of this work. You should be able to make connections between the emotions and memories that have come up and your emotional state in general.
If you would like to take this process further, try to write a poem about your mandala. This will also prove insightful and give more depth to the work.

Don’t forget, this is a very personal activity and the results are bound to vary: what you see in your mandala will be very different to what a friend, family member, or therapist will see in it. It is important to recognise that your mandala is a symbol, a reflection of who you were when you created it; it is not who you are full stop. It would be helpful to repeat this exercise over a longer period in order to become aware of the changes manifesting in your life.

When you create a mandala, you are turning your inside out and taking a good look at it, so it is important to be gentle with yourself during the process. Give it a try, and you may find that mandala making is a valuable path to self-healing, self-expression, and self-exploration.

The Ten Commandments of Creativity

Tue, 30 Jun 2009 19:05:54 +0100

These days it is all too easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of everyday life, sometimes to the detriment of our lives. Our minds are full of so much information that many of us have come to rely on ‘to-do lists’ to keep up: if we don’t write down the most pressing agenda, we simply forget. But this is not the only reason. Following the list gives us a sense of organisation; each time a bullet point is crossed off we get a feeling of accomplishment: progress has been achieved, the mountain has become a little smaller. With a list, we are in control; we know what we need to do, and we have a direction.

Take control of your life today. I am not suggesting you write a ‘to-do list’ of what you hope to do in your lifetime (that would be far too daunting and also vastly unrealistic), but recording your dreams and aspirations is a similar and insightful exercise. Achieving just one of your goals will help you come to realise that you are living your life the way that you want to as opposed to allowing your direction and pace to be dictated by others.

In order to stay on track, some people find it helps to have an even stronger focus in life. Jews, for example, have “The Ten Commandments” as their fundamental law, and many countries have chosen to base their laws on these rules in order to keep peace between the communities. They give people guidance; a type of ‘to-do list’ in a religious sense, encouraging people to live an honest life. You do not, however, need to harbour religious beliefs in order to have a focus or to be content; you could equally have a creative motivation.

“The Ten Commandments of Creativity” can act in a similar way to the biblical laws, or at least serve as a starter. They advise you on how to embrace life, paying particular attention to your creative needs. Think of the commands as a type of ‘creative religion’; if you follow these words, your creative spirit will awaken and you will develop a new outlook on life.

The Ten Commandments of Creativity

Live simply and live deliberately.  Slow down and de-clutter your life. Take regular time for yourself and find things that you enjoy doing, whilst casting aside the things that don’t inspire you. Practice this process often.  
Stay in touch with yourself.  Soul searching, meditation, and journaling are just a few of the many activities that you can take part in to stay aware and learn as much as you can about your emotions, reactions, likes, dislikes, dreams, and fears. Having a solid sense of self gives you a firm foundation for living in this world. 
Support or teach others as often as you can.  This can help you form connections with people while also giving you an opportunity to make the world a better place. 
Consciously choose what you will allow into your mind.  The media bombards us with visions of hate, war, and pain. Be judicious about what you read, watch, and listen to. Try not to get too caught up in world events. 
Acknowledge the beauty that resides around you.  Whether you live in a sprawling metropolis or a stereotypical suburb, there are many natural and man-made wonders just waiting to be discovered. Capture the images and feed your mind.  
Nurture your ties to your tribe.  If you don’t have one, create a community that you can belong to. Modern life can be isolating. When you have a tribe, you have a circle that you are a part of. Its members – loved ones, family, friends, or neighbours – can be a source of support, care, guidance, and companionship. 
See the larger picture.  Remember that the way that you choose to live is not the only way to live. Widen your perspective by exploring other modes of being through research, travel, and discussion. 
Embrace the challenges that life presents to you, and challenge yourself often.  After a time, even the most exciting jobs or lifestyles can seem routine. Make a conscious effort to pursue and assimilate new knowledge about what you are doing and your life will never be dull. 
Move your body.  In this busy world, it can be easy to live a sedentary life. Movement reacquaints us with our bodies and connects us to the earth in a visceral way. It also restores our vitality. 
Make time for stillness, silence, and solitude.  The world can be noisy, and we are subject to all kinds of sounds every hour that we are awake. We are also often ‘on the go’ and unable to relax. Being alone in a peaceful place and making time for quiet can help you stay in touch with yourself.

Although it is easy to claim that we will follow these commandments, it is not so easy to put them into practice. Initially, try to focus on a few at a time. Perhaps pick one that suites your mood for the day or strikes a chord with how you have been feeling recently. If you spend a lot of time cooped up in an office bent over a desk, number 9 will be of benefit to you. Take a proper lunch break if you can and go for a walk around the local park. Join a nearby gym and attend an aerobics or a swimming class. Any movement will wake up both your body and your mind and help to relieve stress. If you’ve had a busy week, make the 10th commandment your priority for the weekend. Meditate, practice yoga, Tai Chi, read poetry, listen to classical music, go to church. The only limitations are your imagination.

As you progress through the list you will begin to feel the changes inside you. Much like the crossing off of bullet points on a ‘to-do list’, you will gain a growing sense of satisfaction as you follow and achieve each commandment. Remember to keep your list somewhere safe and accessible and refer back to it often, especially when you feel that life is beginning to overwhelm you again. Everyone needs time to concentrate on themselves. Make yourself your priority.

Accepting Imperfection

Thu, 11 Jun 2009 15:29:07 +0100

Hard work and dedication are important, and attention to detail and giving it 100% are admirable personal qualities. However, it is not our job to be perfect. It is easy to forget this in the pursuit of our goals, and we often end up judging ourselves too harshly when we make mistakes. We label ourselves as ‘useless’, a ‘disappointment’, because we fear that we are failing to measure up to expectations and that others will look down on us. We become despondent.

At times like this, let us remember that to be imperfect is at the heart of life. Living is all about experimenting, experiencing, and learning, and that’s the beauty of it. It is up to us to learn to let go of our quest for perfection and, instead, learn to accept and enjoy our necessary state of imperfection. In doing so, we open the door onto a freer and richer life, a life where our creativity can be embraced and explored and our failures celebrated as part of the momentous journey of discovery.

This is not to say that we give up, or stop trying to do our personal best. Rather, it means accepting that there is no such thing as perfection in life. All living things are in motion. You cannot halt life without ending it. As you read this your hair and nails are growing, your cells are dying and being reborn, your blood is moving through your body. Your life changes more than it stays the same. Perfection may happen in a moment, be trapped in an instant, but it will not last because it isn’t a permanent state. If you try to hold on to perfection or force it to happen, you will always be disappointed.

In spite of this, many of us compulsively try to be perfect. I openly admit to it being one of my flaws. One way to gently nudge yourself out of this tendency is to look around you, reassess your life, notice that no one is judging you or asking you to be perfect.

Sometimes, perfectionism is a holdover from childhood, an ideal we inherited from a demanding parent or teacher or school. But we are adults now, and we can choose to let go of the need to perform for someone else’s approval. Similarly, we can choose to experience the world as a loving place where we are free to be imperfect. Once we realise this, we can begin to take ourselves less seriously and to have more fun. Imperfection is part of being human. In embracing your imperfections, you embrace yourself.

Art therapy an ideal medium for working through your need to be perfect, because the focus is on the process and not the outcome. Begin by experimenting with paints, felt tips, colouring pencils, or clay. Choose the medium you feel drawn too. This will not necessarily be the one you are already familiar with. It might even be easier to choose something new, that way you avoid any preconceived notions of what to expect from yourself (For this reason, I prefer felt tips – they return me to a time where every drawing produced was heavily praised, stuck up on the wall and viewed as an achievement.). So, don’t over-think it. Just sit down and allow yourself to play, like you did when you were a child. Randomly select and put colours on the page without obsessing about them beforehand. Let your hands instinctively shape the clay. Give yourself permission to get messy. Forget about the end product, and give your acceptance to each brush stroke, each shape, each colour. Treat each new piece as a learning exercise. Enjoy the journey. Celebrate letting go.

Five Things

Tue, 12 May 2009 18:34:04 +0100

When daily pressures mount up, causing you to feel overwhelmed by the sheer volume of things that need to be done and the timeframe available in which to do them, a natural reaction is to want to run away from it all. By removing yourself from your environment and the pressures contained within it, you look to escape the emotions too. In extreme circumstances, the desire is so great, you wish to completely disappear, thus avoiding the discomfort of having to explain or justify yourself to anyone, bypassing the burden of responsibility, the guilt, and the numerous reasons ordinarily keeping you still.

But where you choose to go, should you actually go through with this fantasy, greatly affects the outcome and its likelihood of success.   Here are several hypothetical scenarios. If you had to make a choice between them, which one would you pick?

You grab your bag and head for your favourite high street. After some serious retail therapy, you find a coffee shop and treat yourself to an indulgent afternoon snack. You then return home, goodies in tow, to pick up where you left off. 
You jump in the car with a basic overnight bag, your mobile phone, and your laptop. You head for the nearest town and check in to the first hotel you see. Leaving your bag in your room, you hit the bar, where you stay for several hours drowning your sorrows. Later, you have a hot bath, order room service, then curl up in bed with the remote control. You remain like this until you drift off. The next morning, feeling a little worse for wear, you pack your bag, check out, and return home.  
You pull out a list of national retreats you have made in preparation for a day such as this. Picking one at random, you phone and book a room. You then fill a small suitcase with the bare essentials: clothing, toiletries, books, note paper, and your journal. Leaving the house, you head for the nearest station, board a train, then sit back to gaze out of the window and enjoy soak up the scenery. Upon arrival, you take a taxi to the location of the retreat, check in to your room, and then set off to explore your surroundings. You note that there are a selection of organised activities on offer and sign yourself up for a creative workshop and guided meditation. Next, you take a long walk around the grounds. Refreshed and feeling less cluttered inside, you return to your room to wash, change and relax. That evening, after your workshop and meditation class, which you thoroughly enjoy, you order dinner in your room and settle down for a quiet night. You read, write your journal, and turn in early. You remain at the retreat for seven days, only doing what you feel like doing and spending lots of time communing with your thoughts. When you feel ready, you pack your bag, check out, and return home. 
What was your answer?   Most of us will pick something resembling options 1 and 2, because they are simple, require little or no planning, and guarantee a quick fix: namely, several hours of separation from our problems.

But spending money on things you don’t really need only leads to feelings of guilt, and possibly even the additional embarrassment and inconvenience of having to return them. And alcohol, while delivering temporary oblivion at the time of consumption, only results in a hangover and significantly weakened defences the following morning. Both add rather than subtract from the emotional burden you are already carrying. As a result, they will end up making you feel worse. At best, you will be in exactly the same position as before.
 In an ideal world, option 3 is always the right answer, whether you choose to go on a structured retreat, or opt for a quiet residence in the country. You might even decide to take someone with you, providing they will help you to relax. What is important is that you treat it as a holiday, that you take the time to unwind, that you leave all of your worries behind you, and that you remain in this environment until you feel returned to full emotional and physical health.

I am as guilty as anyone of picking the easy option and only avoiding my problems temporarily. Much of the time, I don’t even make it out of the door and instead distract myself with housework or cooking the evening meal. Another favourite of mine is the internet, which can eat up time in a way that never fails to startle me.

In my head, however, I am increasingly drawn to the idea of going on a retreat – escaping to a log cabin, cottage, or monastery. It would be situated far away, buried in the depths of the country – a rustic, crumbling structure with plenty of history. I would spend my days in quiet contemplation: reading, writing, thinking, walking, and meditating. I would listen carefully to what my mind and my body were telling me and take note of these things. I would allow myself the time, however long that might be, to refuel. Revitalised and refreshed, rebuilt from the inside out, I would then pack up my things, say good bye, and venture back.

Rather than running away, which would only have served to avoid the issue (yet again), an issue that would still be there when I got back: this time would have restored me to full mental and physical health and equipped me with the emotional resources required to clean up the mess I had created or allowed to accumulate.

Sadly, I am yet to actually do this: life and finances and responsibilities have a tendency to rear up and stand in the way. Guilt has a firm hold over me and it is hard to justify such an indulgence. This is a fact of life; one which affects us all.

In the meantime, as the next best option to the ideal scenario, I have been pursuing my mind retreat (as mentioned in the previous entry), using the cabins on the right for inspiration. Closing my eyes and visualising them inside my head, I remove myself from my office and peel back the concerns of the day, layer by layer, taking my time to discard them completely. Then I focus on gently depositing myself in this imagined landscape, sitting myself down on a comfortable chair out in the open, with a gentle breeze on my face, the sound of birdsong floating on the air, and a panorama rich with greenery. From here, I open my eyes and treat myself to an hour in which to be creative, an hour uninterrupted by the concerns and demands of the outside world. For the next sixty minutes, they do not exist.

The following exercise is a useful starting point, putting you in the right frame of mind and emotional state to open yourself up to a creative holiday. It will allow you to first locate and then reduce the negative inner voice that is holding you back and tormenting you, freeing your thoughts for more productive and cathartic activities.

Five Things I Like About Myself

Our primary relationship in life is with ourselves. No one else goes through every experience in life with us. We are our one permanent companion, yet we are often our worst critic. To remind ourselves of our magnificence, we can do this exercise.

Begin by writing down at least five things that you like about yourself. This is not the time to be modest. If you are having trouble coming up with a total of five items, you know that this exercise can really benefit you. Be sure to include more than your physical attributes on your list, since our bodies are only part of who we are. If you are still struggling with what to include on your list, think of what you like about your favourite people, because these traits are likely to be qualities that you possess too. Another way to complete your list is to think of five things you don’t like about yourself and find something about these traits that you can like. 
Continue this process for a week, thinking of five new things you like about yourself everyday.  
At the end of the week, read the list out loud to yourself while standing in front of a mirror. Instead of looking for flaws to fix, allow the mirror to reflect your magnificence. You may feel silly about standing in front of a mirror and reading aloud a list of your admirable attributes, but it might just bring a smile to your face and change the way you see yourself. Remember, it is when you feel the most resistant that this exercise can benefit you the most. Because we are constantly looking at the world, instead of looking at ourselves, we don’t often see what’s magnificent about ourselves that others do. When we take the time to experience ourselves the way we would experience someone we love and admire, we become our best companion and supporter on life’s journey.

This companion and supporter is the person who will help you to feel at peace, to be content with the many wonderful things that make up your life, and to feel at home within your own skin. This is the person you can comfortably live with, the one who will always be your ally and who will draw positive influences towards you at all times. This is the person you are meant to be.

Good luck with your journey.  May it be as rewarding and as revealing as mine.

A Bitter Pill and a Spoonful of Sugar

Sat, 25 Apr 2009 14:54:43 +0100

"If you love and respect yourself in failure, worlds of adventure and new experiences will open up before you, and your fears will vanish." David Burns

After publishing Issue 2 of Inside Out, I decided to give myself a two week break. I was feeling a little burnt out after the marathon run of work which had gone into the issue and inwardly groaning at the thought of immediately starting the process all over again. I wanted time to sit back and enjoy the accomplishment and space to honour it for what is was. I also felt it was important – no, let me rephrase that, vital – for me to spend some time on my own creative pursuits, to practice what I preach.

I have to confess, it has not been the success I intended, or delivered the release of emotions anticipated. I may have thoroughly enjoyed the time devoted to reading, journalling, thinking and sitting or walking with my thoughts, but I haven’t really managed to achieve anything beyond this. I have repeatedly sat down and tried to draw, paint and write, but quickly grown frustrated with the rusted state of my skills and been unable to push past the hurdle. The result of this is that I currently feel like a fraud. How can I persist in telling Inside Out readers to turn their insides out, and make it sound like a simple and easy process, when I am shamefully failing to do the same myself?

Then I got to thinking – because I always like to turn things around and try to give them a positive spin. Surely journalling is a creative process? It’s an inner outpouring afterall. It’s exploring and documenting what you find inside. It’s cathartic. It’s rewarding. It’s putting pen to paper and making a mark. It must count as creativity? What other term could you give it?

A prized possession, my journal accompanies me everywhere and I pull it out at every opportunity – intervals between meetings, journeys on the bus or train, time spent waiting for friends to turn up in cafes and restaurants... I jot down observations, descriptions, feelings, thoughts, ideas. I doodle and sketch and then explore what these images might mean. I record poems and quotes that touch me. I recall and mine the meaning of my dreams. I draft poems and note down ideas for stories and articles. Anything and everything that comes to me in the moment. There are no limitations. The only rules are that I must put something on the page each time I open it, and that I must do this without over thinking. It is against the rules to be precious with this space. In a sense, it is free writing or drawing, the idea being that the flow comes not from the conscious part of the mind but the subconscious voice beneath it. The part that isn’t judgemental or critical, isn’t inhibited or scared, isn’t carrying a whole suitcase of issues and insecurities around with it: the uninhibited part, the part that just is.

I wanted to share my frustrations with you, so that if you too are suffering/or have suffered from a similar state of creative suspension, you can learn how to immerse yourself in it and enjoy it for what it is. I am calling the experience a mind retreat.

What to do:

Buy a journal.
Choose a favourite pen or pencil, or treat yourself to one of these too.
Select a quiet space, somewhere you feel safe and relaxed.
Set aside a little time each day for yourself.
Let the words and images flow out of you, in whatever form they choose to take.
Observe what appears on the page and analyse it.
Read back over your entries at least once a week and make notes on your discoveries.

You might be surprised at the treasures you find there.

I am hoping that in taking my own advice, the words and the images I seek will come to me. Maybe not right now, when I want them the most... but in time, when they are ready. In accepting that there is no rush and in taking the pressure off myself to perform on command like a puppet, I am confident that I will not only find my creative confidence again but be rewarded for my patience.

Honour your achievements, because all of them are of equal value, despite what personal insecurities might lead you to believe.

To your right, underneath the last image, there is a link to a film. I found it by chance as I was searching the internet and was really moved by what it had to say. I think it will interest and inspire you too.

A Seasonal Gift

Wed, 8 Apr 2009 12:08:43 +0100

The weather, as is so typical of this country, is currently in a state of flux. On sunny days, it feels like spring is truly here. The sky is a clear, cloudless blue, the sun is gentle and golden, an orchestra of birdsong fills the air, and the local parks are alive with colour. A brisk morning stroll or an afternoon sitting outside are just two of my recently resurrected pleasures, previously dormant over recent months. On the not so cheerful ones, like today and yesterday, that blue is replaced with a close-fitting grey, flat and lifeless; the light is muted and weak; birds still sing hopefully, though with less vigour, and the flowers shimmer valiantly through the raindrops, their heads bowed with moisture. There is a damp chill in the air that creeps inside both house and body. I fight the temptation to turn the heating on and feel less inclined to go out. But it is still a long way from the bone-gnawing grip of winter and at least the evenings are drawn out.

In honour of spring and to celebrate the publication of Issue 2 of Inside Out, I commissioned one my illustrators to bring the season alive with some themed designs. These have been printed up into cards and everyone who orders a copy of the magazine via one of the links below will receive one inside their envelope.

We also have two generous April offers on the magazine for you to choose from:

Offer 1: Buy Issues 1& 2 for just £8.50
Offer 2: Buy Issue 2, covers 1 & 2, for just £8.50

Those of you who are new to Inside Out can take this opportunity to catch up on both issues in one simple click. And those of you who would like another copy of Issue 1 before they run out can now do so at the same time as ordering Issue 2.

As for Issue 2 itself: we thought it would be helpful if we took away some of the agony of choice. If you are struggling to decide which cover you prefer, you can now order both for a discounted price.

Both offers are internet-based only and exclusive to our website; our way of saying thank you for keeping up-t0-date with our progress over the months and for following our blog.

I hope you enjoy Issue 2 as much as we enjoyed working on it and that you are inspired by what you find inside.

Exchanging hands...

Fri, 3 Apr 2009 18:09:59 +0100

Issue 2 is now packaged, transported and in the post, and will be with you shortly.

To my readers: thank you so much for your interest and support, especially those of you who have followed our journey from the start.

To my contributors: thank you for your sharing your work; I hope you will be equally as pleased and proud as I am of the results.

Issue 2 goes to press

Wed, 1 Apr 2009 18:32:19 +0100

On Tuesday (31 March), Issue 2 of Inside Out went to press. Although we had initially planned on a three-month turnaround, advertising ourselves to our readers as a quarterly publication, it soon became apparent this wasn’t going to be realistic. A combination of factors interfered with our timeline, the primary two being the size of our team and budget. As a result, Issue 2 is coming to you a little later than planned.

Well-meaning colleagues in the industry have suggested we consider removing the illustrations from our pages, and that we cut our contents by half. While this would undeniably make things easier, reducing both the work and financial load, we feel that it would also take away from the core of what Inside Out is all about, something we are not prepared to compromise.

Inside Out is unique because of the way that it looks, because it stands out and dares to be different, because it has such a variety of content and gives such a large number of its pages over to the reader, because it offers space for so many separate voices to be heard, and because it openly addresses a subject stuck in the dark ages in regards to development and public perception and prides itself on this fact. What’s more, it manages to do all this whilst remaining positive and upbeat, offering its readers hope and support in equal measure and an alternative approach to dealing with the difficulties they might be experiencing in their lives. To alter any of these elements would be to endanger the publication itself.

Other advice has been to publish online, and to change our output to two editions per year. We immediately dismissed the first option, because it is important to us that we are a concrete object, that we are accessible to the widest audience possible (not everyone on the planet has a computer and it would be wrong of us to presume this), and that those who have been published in our pages are given a real sense of ownership over their work. We are considering the second option more carefully, because it might just be a sensible idea, but are not making any rash decisions just yet.

So, in the same breath that I am apologising for the delay in the arrival of our second issue – and I do feel I owe an apology to all of the patient individuals who bought their copies in advance – I am defending that delay wholeheartedly, for it is not without reason or for want of trying on my part. This is not a publication that can be rushed or produced on a shoestring budget: the quality and appearance of the end product is too personal and important for that.

Diary of Recent Events:

As I have already said, Issue 2 went to press on Tuesday, but before we reached this stage there were months of compiling and working on editorial and artwork, followed by several weeks of intense proofing and copy and image editing.

Proofing

The purpose of this process is not to make major changes, but to spot any lingering mistakes – to copy, to artwork, and to layout – things we have previously missed due to the number of elements it is necessary to account for.

I have to admit that this is my least favourite time: it results in eyestrain, migraines, and a stiff neck, amongst many other unsavoury things; it is tense and fast-paced and relentless; each page has to be polished and perfected before it can be signed off in preparation for print; there is screen-gazing and scribbling in red pen in equal measure; my computer is taxed to its full extent, and my printer is made to earn its keep. For this reason, it is always a relief to finish and move on to the next stage.

Pre-press Meeting

With our final pages exported from editable documents to high-resolution PDF’s, it was time to visit the printer for a final meeting about the magazine and to confirm a date for print. I hand-delivered my files, preferring to see them arrive and checked at the other end, and then we discussed my decision to upgrade the binding from saddle-stitched (stapled) to perfect bound (with a spine). After this we looked at the dummy that had been made up in order to give me an idea of what the finished product would look like, and confirmed the exact width of the spine and what I wanted to put on it. It was arranged that the pages would be set the following morning, with my digi proofs delivered to my door that evening.

Digi proofs are high resolution printouts of the magazine’s pages. They are expensive and by no means compulsory. However, since I found them found them to be invaluable with Issue 1, I wasn’t about to take the risk with Issue 2. A1 in size, they contain, in the case of Inside Out, 12 pages per sheet. Contrary to what you might expect, they are not laid out in chronological order (although I wish this were the case). Rather, they are set in the order that they will be trimmed and bound in the magazine. They provide an accurate representation of how each page will look in regards to colour, and allow a final hard proof to make sure nothing has been overlooked. This is the stage where colour and resolution can be checked and corrected, and where you can spot if you have inadvertently exported the wrong version of a page, missed off something like a page number, or overlooked something else equally as important simply because there are a multitude of things that have to be accounted for beyond the actual copy itself.

Delivery of Digi Proofs

As promised, the digi proofs arrived the next evening at 6pm. This was a special moment. It is only on delivery of the first set of proofs that it hits me that these pages, pages that I have been staring at and working on for months, so intently I that know most of them by heart and feel a deep sense of attachment to them, are solid objects that I can hold and touch. It is only now that I can truly visualise what the magazine will look like and process the extent of what has been achieved. This is when all of the hard work is realised and I am infused with a fresh burst of energy – always much-needed at this point.

My immediate temptation was to dive in and get started, especially because I had a tight deadline to meet. But this is a long and challenging task, requiring my full attention and mental acuity: missing things at this stage is not an option; from here, there is no going back without incurring delay and additional cost, both of which are obviously undesirable. For this reason, I reluctantly put them to one side and returned to my desk.

Proofing Digi Proofs

The next morning I rose early, positioned myself cross-legged on the floor (because unfortunately my desk is not large enough to accommodate an A1 sheet, no matter how much I might plead with it) and began.

Two long and intense days later, with a only few minor changes made, and it was time to give my final approval on the pages and email the updated files over to the art team at the other end. We were now ready for print. The hard part was over. I exhaled a huge sigh of relief.

The Big Day

Upon arrival at the printers, I was taken straight to the warehouse where the magic was to take place. Inside Out is printed on a machine called a Heidelberg which uses an offset process called Lithography. Essentially, the pages, as arranged on the A1 sheets, are burnt onto metal plates via a laser. These metal plates are then used as the template from which to print the magazine. I followed my guide over to one of the presses to look at and approve the first plate. This contained the cover pages – both inside and out, front and back. I worked alongside the operator, increasing and reducing each of the separate CMYK elements (cyan, magenta, yellow, and key) until I was happy with the result.

This process is all quite complex, so I won’t attempt to bore you with the full details. If you would like to learn more about it, you can do so here: Lithographic Printing Explained.

In the end, the process took the whole day, and I was there from start to finish – which turned out to be in the region of 9pm. It was a long and thoroughly exhausting day on both an emotional and physical level, especially coming on top of the previous weeks of unbroken hard work. But it was also equally as exciting as the first time around and, for the most part, very interesting. By the time I left I was thoroughly exhausted but I was also filled with a deep sense of satisfaction; the hard part, at least for this issue, was now completed, and the final gift was only hours away. Holding and touching and flicking through that first copy is an amazing feeling, the sense of achievement comparable, I like to think, to the birth of a child. Each issue is precious to me, a true labour of love; I welcome with open arms into the Inside Out family.

Transform your bad days

Mon, 30 Mar 2009 18:13:09 +0100

The weather has been much improved recently, making, I am sure, many of us feel better within ourselves. And now it is officially British Summer Time too. However, this is England and, being realistic, we are still only on the cusp of April. While we may be rejoicing in the temperature at this very moment (15 degrees, no less, I am told), we won’t have forgotten the sharp nip in the air all last week, with its accompanying grey cloud and unpredictable showers of rain. I am making a determined effort to savour today’s deep blue sky and generous splashes of light in case there is little to savour about tomorrow.

Bad days are a bit like the weather – they come and go. One minute you’re looking out of the window, thinking you might like to go for a walk because the sun is shining overhead, and the next you’re battling up the street, hair plastered to your face in the mist of a torrential downpour. Storms blow in on spring afternoons. Hurricanes rip through the tail end of summer – turning cars, trees, and even houses on their heads. And no matter how many layers you pile on, or umbrellas you cram into your bag, you can never guarantee the weather won’t send you somewhere entirely unexpected instead.

Life can be similar. No matter how well we arrange things, or what steps we take to shield ourselves from frustration, shock, and hurt, there is always the chance that something will swoop in and catch us unawares, making a mockery out of our carefully laid plans. The phone rings bringing bad news. The car breaks down and you miss a meeting you’ve been looking forward to. You run to catch a bus and end up missing it. Worse, you twist your ankle in the process.

When things like this happen, it can be easy to lose sight of the positive things in our lives. We feel limited and vulnerable and unfairly put upon. Being tripped up by unforeseen events reminds us of how fragile we are, how little control we have over the currents that swirl around us. We can even end up wondering if we can cope. Just as a flood is made up of thousands of tiny droplets of water; so lots of little disappointments piling on top of one another can become emotionally overwhelming.

But bad days will only keep a hold over us if we let them. With the right mindset, they can be twisted around into useful tools for manifesting good in our lives. Just as the wind, rain, and snow have a part to play in maintaining the balance of the world; so bad days can help us to be stronger, deeper, and more self-aware as individuals. I’m not saying this is easy, far from it, but with practice it can become a more natural process and something we automatically employ.

The trick is to look at your bad days as learning opportunities. To watch yourself as you struggle through them, and observe how you respond to the challenges you are faced with. Recognising the things you might struggle with will help you to handle difficult situations more adeptly in the future. You may even discover strengths and reserves you never knew you had. After all, your past has had many bad days, and you have come through them all – the fact that you are still here proves this.

To get the most out of your bad days, try the following exercise the next time something disappointing, worrying, or painful – no matter how big or small – happens to you. Find a moment to pause, step aside, and reflect, and then ask yourself the following questions.  
What happened to make this a bad day rather than a normal day or a good day?  
Write this down, condensing it into a brief sentence. 
How did it make me feel – then, and now?  Write this down beneath your descriptive sentence. 
Now look back at what happened. How could you have responded to make it seem more positive? If you got soaked in the rain and scolded yourself for forgetting to carry an umbrella, could you not have smiled at your oversight and laughed it off, told yourself that getting wet would help you to remember next time around, and then tried to enjoy the invigorating sensation of the rain against your skin, treating it as a kind of spiritual cleaning, washing your worries away?  Write down your different responses. Number them, so that they are easy to identify later on. 
Look back over what you have written and compare your answers.  What is the difference between your response to questions 2 and 3? Be honest now. 
Note how you now feel.

With practice, you will notice that you are able to apply more of these positive responses as you go along and, as a result, your bad days will lose their intensity. You will also feel more able to cope with the unexpected, and stronger within yourself.

For those of us who use creativity as a means of expression or a healing tool, bad days can have another meaning too. They help add darker colours to the palette we use to communicate. They stand out because they are unusual and contrast with the other, brighter days around them, giving us a rich range of shades with which to paint our world.

Everyone, no matter how positive they seem on the surface, goes through bad days now and again. Creative individuals, especially, need to be able to tap into the thoughts and feelings that surround these times and mine them, using them as pools from which to create full and powerful worlds that reach out and resonate with their audience.

So, next time you are having a bad day, stop and think about how you can use the experience to express something about what it is like to be you. Pick up a paintbrush, pen, or camera. Remember, some of the most beautiful pictures in the world are of mishaps, chaos, and turmoil.

Surrender your worries

Thu, 12 Mar 2009 19:01:38 +0000

Do you ever feel like your mind is overrun with information, worries, dreams, hopes, and to-do lists? I often do. They buzz around, each one demanding time and attention, causing me anxiety and giving me a headache. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about how to quiet the noise, and managed to gather together a few quick-fix antidotes that slow my racing thoughts down a little: a walk through the park, half an hour of yoga, a hot bath, or having a break with a calming cup of tea, to name a few. I am grateful for these small releases, but, in search of a more long-term measure, I found that it was necessary for me to look further afield for help.

Discovering this simple little exercise has helped me a lot, which is why I have chosen to share it with you. It is called The Surrender Box and is a simple, lasting, and satisfyingly physical way of quietening the mind on days when it proves too active.

Here’s what you do:

Get a little box. Anything will do - cardboard, plastic, metal, glass.
Decorate it – with a label, stickers, dried flowers, pictures from a photo album or magazine – and make it yours.
Write down your want or need on a piece of paper. Keep it brief.
Fold it in half and place it in the box, surrendering it, letting it go.

Sound scary? It did to me. I tend to keep all of my desires and responsibilities at the forefront of my mind, on the assumption that I will otherwise lose control of them. It was quite a breakthrough to realise that this core belief was at the root of the problem. My grip was too strong, my control too tight. Sometimes you have to stop trying to possess and control things, and give them up to trust. When you let things be, you free up space inside, which enables you to return to the issue with a clear head and a relaxed attitude.

Here’s an example for you.

With several personal and professional things to do in one day, I was struggling to focus on one without another elbowing its way to the centre. So, I wrote down all of my aims, except the one at hand, and surrendered them to the box. Returning to the one I had started with a clear mind, having surrendered my preoccupation with its outcome, I found that I could settle into the task and enjoy the process of it, peacefully and productively. In turn, I approached the rest of the day’s tasks with a fresh perspective, accepting my limitations with love and self-understanding. The Surrender Box allowed me to loosen my grip on what I was doing, and, as a result, let my inner potential flow right out into the world, quite organically.

Give it a try and see if it works for you too.

Enjoy!

A sneaky little peak at Issue 2...

Wed, 25 Feb 2009 15:58:58 +0000

Issue 2 of Inside Out is imminent, and, as with Issue 1, we’ve decided to let you have a sneak peak at some of the pages to whet your appetite. Every page has been lovingly designed, and we have been lucky enough to work with some truly talented illustrators and designers, who, I am sure you will unanimously agree, have really done us proud.

On the menu are interviews with Poet Laureate Andrew Motion and award-winning author Louise DeSalvo; previously unpublished poems by writers Andrew Motion and Wendy Cope, and an article on how Cope used poetry to recover from a long depression.

We have three creative therapy workshops, for those of you wanting to put hand to paper; as well as three feature articles. The first explores the poetic potential of our dreams. The second looks at the holistic qualities of books. And the third reveals the outcome of exciting new studies that show the benefits of personal narrative within the field of medicine.

In addition, we also have our bibliotherapy book review section, our listings pages, our reader submissions and submission guidelines, and our competition details, which you will be familiar with from Issue 1.

Inside Issue 2:

Poetry and Motion: Poet Laureate Andrew Motion reveals how writing In The Blood, his childhood memoir, allowed him to finally lay the tragedy of his past to rest.  
Essential Ingredients: Louise DeSalvo, author of Writing as a Way of Healing, explains how writing has kept her healthy, despite coming from a family with a history of mental illness.  
Scratching the Surface: We look at how poetry helped Wendy Cope through a long depression. 
Passing On: A previously unpublished poem from Andrew Motion’s new collection The Cinder Path, out April 2009. 
You’re Not Allowed: A previously unpublished poem from Wendy Cope.  
What’s Creative For You?; Inside Out Love; Start with Art: We explore several of the creative therapies, with exercises for you to try out at home.  
My Inside Out: Our Reader Submissions section offers a diverse range of work that touches on a common theme – that of each individual reaching for their creative implement of choice in order to explore and acknowledge an inner knot.  
The Poetic Potential of Dreams: We show you how to remember, analyse, and record your dreams. 
A Chapter a Day: How reading certain texts can help improve your mental outlook. 
Narrative Medicine: How doctors can dramatically improve the service they offer to patients, and the corresponding outcome of their appointments, by taking the time to listen to the personal narratives they tell in order to work out what is going on in their lives on a deeper level.  
The Usual Suspects: Bibliotherapy, Listings, Cover Competition, Where’s Hammy? (formerly Where’s Wabbit?).

It is my hope that you will find personal comfort in these pages, both in the diversity of their contents, and the honesty with which they are shared.

Inside Out is a vessel full of a hundred individual prayers. Take your time with it. Return to it often. Reread those pages that speak to you, almost as if they were written for your eyes alone.

May it uplift, inspire, and guide you towards a place of peace, allowing you to rest a while “at the still point of the turning world”.

Feast your eyes on our beautiful pages, and help us start work on Issue 3 by buying a copy.